doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
