i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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