they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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