The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
