More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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