Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
