He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
