He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
