she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
