at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
