Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
