My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
