..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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