I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
