420 ftw
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
