Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
