I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
