it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
