The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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