Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
