my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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