I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
