Screwed.edu
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
