Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
