she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
