apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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