K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
