never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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