Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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