the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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