i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
