my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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