i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
