I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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