So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
