I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
