After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
