And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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