I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
