her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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