he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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