Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
