So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
