I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
