New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
