I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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