o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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