I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
