i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
