is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
