So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
