Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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