You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
