Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
