Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
