Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
