go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
