We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
