Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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