He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
