her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What drink are we having for lunch?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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