booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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