so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Terrible idea I love it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
