Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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