You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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