if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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