your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
