I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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