i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
