Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
